More on the Mountaintop Experience...

I subscribe to a daily quote email service where each morning I receive and inspirational quote.  The quote I received today was:

One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering."   -Ida Scott Taylor 

This is more confirmation about moving forward and and encouragement to live in the present!  Today I am grateful for TODAY...this day I've been given and I plan to live it to the fullest!

                                           TODAY by Kirk Franklin (Hello Fear)

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am maing a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.  
                                                                                                                       -Isaiah 43:18-25




 Ida Scott Taylor

Left It On the Mountaintop!

I am so sorry it's been awhile since I've written last.  I have been traveling and had written a couple of entries on a notepad that I now can't seem to find. I have been upset about it because I had written a couple of really good entries.  I still haven't found them but I will do my best to recreate them over the next few weeks when I find the inspiration again.

For now I want to write about my mountaintop experience!  This past weekend I took a trip to the desert for a personal retreat.  I have a friend/colleague who lives in PA but has a home in Palm Springs.  He is always inviting me to stay at his place when I wanted to get away so this past weekend I took him up on the offer. 



Bottom of mountains with South Carl Lykken Hiking Trail



I had been feeling pretty weighty (emotionally and mentally) so I was feeling like I needed to get away to some place where I didn't know anyone, didn't have to work, didn't have to talk to anyone (unless I wanted to), and didn't have to be anywhere.  I needed to clear my mind and spend some time getting re-centered.  So off I went to Palm Springs. 

Friday night I went downtown and walked around.  During appetizers, I met a couple from Kansas who told me about all of the great hiking trails in Palm Springs.  The next morning I decided to get up and try one of them.  I had never hiked in Palm Springs before so I was a little nervous about doing it alone but the pull to make it up the mountain was much stronger than my fear. 

  

The first mountain was grueling as the trail was a steep incline (see picture above) for just over a mile.  I stopped a couple of times along to the way to take a break and take pictures of the breathtaking views.  



Fellow hikers taking in the scenery on one of the many rock cliffs.  

The sky was pretty clear and the temperature was about 70 degrees when I started up the mountain around 10:30. It would eventually warm up to about 85 degrees by the time I made it down the mountain. 

   I stopped and talked to a few fellow hikers on the way up.  Two guys were standing on a rock cliff that looked as if it was suspended in mid air.  You can't tell how high up we were in this picture but the ground is NOT as close as it appears. 

As I made my way up the mountain,  I was overcome with a sense of gratefulness and reverence for God's creations.  At one point I decided that I would, for the rest of the way up the mountain, focus on all of the things I'm grateful for: the sky, the views, the rocks, the birds, the cactus, my fellow hikers, my friend for allowing me to stay at his place, the couple from Kansas who told me about this trail, the flowers, the butterflies and on and on and on.  Eventually I shifted my thinking away from the heavy thoughts that had been weighing me down and decided to live in the present moment without any regard for yesterday or worry about tomorrow.  The foot traffic was light that day so I had a lot of freedom to sing out loud and talk to myself without people thinking I was crazy.  :-)
 
When I made it to the top of the mountain there was no one else there.  There are two picnic tables on top of the mountain so I sat down on one of them and began to pray.  I prayed for what seemed like 5 minutes but when I finished and looked at the time, I had been praying for more than 15 minutes.  I was sobbing and when I looked up, an older couple was making their way to the top of the mountain.  The guy asked me if I was doing yoga.  I said "No, just spending some time talking to God."  He said, "well there's no better place to do than up here." 

He was right!  The clouds were being held at bay so the sky just above the mountain was a pretty light blue and it was as if someone had turned down the volume on everything in the city except the birds, the wind and the occasional rustle of trees and bushes.   It was a pretty windy day so there was a lot of rustling.  



On top of the mountain!



I know you can talk to God anywhere.  I know I did not need to climb a mountain in Palm Springs to get close to God, but this was an important experience for me.   When I was praying, one by one I named each of my cares and worries and one by one I released them.  Visually I saw myself putting each of them down on the picnic table right next to my backpack, camera, cell phone and bottled water.  When I got up to leave, I tucked my cell phone and camera into my backpack, grabbed my water, and left my troubles and worries sitting on the picnic table. 

I didn't look back because I knew the wind would come and blow them away, into the hands of God who would know exactly what to do with them.   I decided to walk down the other side of the mountain which added about 2 miles onto my journey.  I didn't mind though because suddenly I felt energized and lighter than I did when I started the journey up the mountain. 

One of the many huge cacti I saw along the way

Amazing Cluds over Palm Springs





More of God's creation






Rocks that were stacked like a cairn.



Strong. Powerful. Confident.

Recently I had a conversation with a couple of female family members about our body image issues.  They were surprised to learn that I have always struggled with my height.  I am 5’10.  When I first realized that I was going to be tall I hated it.  I was always taller than most of the boys.  The short boys, it seemed, always gave me attention. 
By the time I was in high school I had perfected the way I stood.  I shifted my weight to one leg and then to the other when one got tired in order to make myself look shorter.  I was nominated prom queen my senior year and the prom king, Brent Bostwick, was about 5’4.  The picture that will go down in history as the official royal court photo has me standing next to him on the platform BAREFOOT in my now infamous, stance.  I remember feeling self-conscious about standing next to him because I felt like a giant. 

In college it was the same thing.  When high heels were in, instead of keeping up with the current fashions, I would wear flats or lower heels in an effort to take attention away from my height. 

Moving to California was liberating for me when it came to my height.  I still had “issues” with it but there seemed to be way more tall women here than there were in Omaha.  Not only that, these women seemed to care more about being in style than they did about their height.  THEY WORE HEELS FOR DAYS!!  And I began to do the same. 

During this time I became more and more comfortable with it and I realized that men in California LOVED and appreciated tall women.  So I began loving and appreciating my height.  The problem was that the love came from the outside in.  If they loved me for my height, then I loved me for my height. If they didn’t appear to accept my height, then I would lament over it. 

Through the years as I have learned to accept and love myself, I began to accept and love all of the unique things about me.  My height cannot not be changed.  It is how I was made…and if I am made in God’s image, then how dare I NOT love and appreciate it? 

After 30 years of teaching myself that my height was something to be ashamed of and self-conscious about, I finally reached a point where I have learned to accept it.  I am learning to fall in love with it…I guess you could say I’m “in like” with it, and I’m slowly falling in love.  I wear heels…I LOVE shoes and would not dare deny myself the pleasure of rocking a pair of hot platforms, cute stacked sandals, or sexy high-heeled boots.  

Now I use my mind and heart at the same time to help me unlearn that infamous stance (shifting from one leg to the next).  It had become as familiar to me as my name.  When I catch myself doing it or find myself in situations that drive me into that automatic shrinkage mode, I show love towards myself by repeating this affirmation:

“I am made in God’s image.  I love God, I love me AND I love my height”

God gives me opportunities all of the time to show love towards myself about my height.  Last week I hopped into a cab headed to the airport.  The cab driver, a guy from Ghana, was friendly but quiet for most of the ride.  As we were pulling up to the terminal he asked me where I was from. 

“Nebraska,” I said. 

He said, “Do you know where you’re family came from?” 

I said, “No, probably West Africa.”  He didn’t respond.    

As he handed me my bags he said, “I thought maybe you were from Nigeria.  In Nigeria, tall women are special people.” They are strong, powerful, and confident. That’s who you remind me of.” 

I smiled and said thank you.  I walked into the airport strutting my strongest, most powerful and confident walk.  With my heels clicking loudly on the concrete floor I thought to myself, ‘Yeh, that’s who I am.   

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.   -Psalm 139: 13-14

Off the Richter Scale

Me and my Grandmother Betty

My grandmother passed away on Sunday, March 27, 2011.

Losing my grandmother has created yet another shift in my emotional and mental foundation.  Something in me moved...and it's been happening a lot lately.  I liken this feeling to the recent earthquake in Japan that shifted the earth's axis and  moved the Japanese coast 8 feet (Quake moved Japan)!  Earthquakes can be devastating, destructive, and life changing. I have had several "earthquake experiences" over the past few months.  While some of these experiences have been painful, they have all been life changing and I've learned a great deal about life and about myself. 

My grandmother's home going service was beautiful.  It wasn't fancy or elaborate; she wouldn't have wanted it that way.  In fact, she would have been embarrassed by all of the attention paid to her.  At one point during the service I got up to give reflections about my grandmother and the first thing I noticed was a sea of familiar faces in the pews.  The church is probably the smallest one I've ever been in so I could literally see everyone in the church.  This immediately gave me a strong sense of comfort and support.  I looked at my grandfather sobbing on the front row and wished he could turn around and see and feel the same comfort I felt in that moment.  As I took my seat, I felt another shift. 

In the days after the service, my mom and I worked to clean out my grandmother's closet, donating some things and throwing away others my grandfather did not want to keep.  We came across an array of possessions my grandmother had acquired over the years:  expensive unworn clothes, purses (LOTS of purses), brand new shoes and jewelry, knick knacks, reminder notes to herself, credit cards, blank birthday cards, recipes, newspaper articles, coins and other keepsakes.  We found several things my grandfather wasn't even aware of.  Her closet was so full that you couldn't see any wall or floor space; it took us about 6 hours to clear that closet! 

Today I was back over cleaning the last few areas of the closet.  I walked in the room and saw my grandfather sitting on the bed looking into the empty closet.  I asked him if he was ok.  He said yes and began talking about my grandmother.  We talked for a bit before he got up and left me sitting there staring into the empty closet.  I began thinking about all of the "stuff" we had removed.  We filled at least 10 industrial sized garbage bags full of her things.  I became fixated on the word "stuff."  All of the expensive suits, dresses and shoes were folded and bagged up.  Many of the things I'm sure she once treasured were now stuffed into bags.  They no longer mattered...at least not to us.  Sure we kept some keepsakes (jewelry, a couple of timeless cute purses, knick-knacks and others), but most everything else we gave away.  In that moment sitting on the bed thinking about the all of the "stuff" we had removed from her closet,  about the family and friends who had been there for us, about my grandfather's broken heart and my grandmother's sweet resting spirit, I felt another shift.

The saying, "You can't take it with you," reminds us that all of the things we acquire (including money), are not things you can take with you when your spirit passes from your earthly body.  I like AND own several things: shoes, a house, clothes, books, movies, gadgets, etc., so I'm not suggesting that we should not acquire the "things" we desire to have in our lives.   The lesson I learned is not about owning "stuff," but more about having the right perspective about the "stuff" and keeping it in its place in my life. 

My grandmother's legacy is not about her stuff...it's about her kind spirit and humble heart and the love she had for her family.  The earthquake-like shifts I felt this week forced me to think about my "stuff" and what I'm doing with it.  Am I using it or is it sitting in my "closet" waiting for the right time?  Am I hiding "my stuff" in the back of my closet hoping no one will notice? Do I place more value on "my stuff" than I do my relationships?  If I die tomorrow will I be remembered for "my stuff" or for the impact I made in life? 

I know the answers to most of these questions but I realize I have more work to do.  I miss my grandmother and I worry about my grandfather but I am grateful to God for the shifts He's brought about in my life.  I like the new place I'm in.  Traci H.