Dee

My beautiful cousin Dee with her son Mike

It's been way too long since I have posted.  It's not because I have not had things to be grateful for.  No...it's definitely not that.  I have plenty of things to be grateful for. 

The last few weeks I found myself getting sucked in to the craziness of life.  I started feeling overwhelmed with work.  I have not been sleeping.  I have been feeling homesick...down...a little depressed, and the worst of all, uninspired. 

Two days ago I woke up and I could not get out of bed.  I mean, physically I could move, but there was something in me that did not want to face the day.  I stayed in bed for over an hour before I got up.  When I finally got out of bed, I moped around doing everything I could to avoid getting ready for work. 

Then I remembered that it was my cousin Deirdre's birthday; she passed away three years ago at the age of 23.  The more I thought about how much I missed her, and about her son, my aunt, uncle, and cousins, the sadder I became. 

Three years ago at her funeral they played a DVD with music and a photo montage. I have a copy of the DVD  but I've only watched it once because it brings up so many sad emotions for me.  Nevertheless, I decided to watch it this morning. 

I cried of course.  I cried hard!  Oddly, at the end of the video, I felt better.  I felt better because I was reminded of the promises I made to myself right after she passed.  On the flight home from the funeral I made a list of things I wanted/needed to do to  make sure I am living my best life.  The list, which I still have, came from a place of inspiration and resolve.

I also thought about how much joy and laughter Dee brought to everyone in her short 23 years. She was beautiful, headstrong, principled, loving and funny.  Always funny - every since she was a young girl.
 

Me and Dee

I don't know how this all started, but she and I had a special language we spoke to each other.  When we were together, we would start speaking to each other in our "language" and at certain points in the conversation, we would burst into laughter as if we were telling jokes that only we could understand.  In all honesty, it was just a bunch of gibberish, but it was our language.  When others would attempt to talk to us in our language (not too many were crazy enough to engage us, but a few tried - you know who you are), we would give them a look that said, we have NO IDEA what you're saying!  We spoke this language even as adults, which is one of the things that made it so funny.  I think about our "language" often and it makes me smile.

After I watched the DVD, I began to feel that same inspiration and resolve I felt after her funeral services.  I knew then that I had to pull it together and get back to my commitment to live my best life.

Today I am grateful for having had the opportunity to know and love Deirdre.  I am grateful for all of the memories I have of her that can never be erased.  I am grateful for her inspiration, just when I need it the most.   

Uncle John and the girls (sans Nikki, Nanz & Gloria), in Sacramento

To Dee:  Kedi kedis cooodi cuuchhishlke. Love always, Traci!

Grace and Mercy!

I don't know about you, but Monday's are hard for me!  I had an early meeting this morning so when my alarm rang, I hit snooze three times before getting out of bed.  I just wanted to sleep in!  After I finally made my way out of bed, I knew I was going to need divine intervention in order to get through the day. 

During my prayer time, I asked God to give me compassion and peace throughout the day. At the time, I had no idea why I was asking God for these two things.  But God knew... 

First, two situations arose today (both of them occurred before 12N) where I could have responded with mercilessness, or with compassion.  One situation involved a stranger, the other involved a friend.  I chose compassion both times. 

Then, mid morning I had a conversation with my mother during which she shared some information with me about a "friend" of mine.  The conversation was one that would normally be stressful for me but as I was talking to her I felt a wave of peace come over me.  I literally felt the weight of the stress I was carrying about this person lighten.  I knew then that God had heard my prayer that morning and that He had His hands all over me. 

Now, as I get ready for bed and reflect on this day, I am grateful for God's grace and mercy towards me!  For without it, I would not be able to extend it to others. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.  Philippians 4:8-9