Day 16 Girlfriends



Me and Nichelle



Me with my Bestie Stephanie in Vegas

I have some really good girlfriends.  I mean I really have GREAT girlfriends.  I am so blessed!  Some of them I have known for a lifetime (seriously since we were babies), some I've know for half my life, and others I've known for just a few years.  They live in San Diego, Omaha, New York, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Des Moines, New Jersey, Kansas City, Petersburg, VA and of all places, Hattiesburg, MS.  They are African American, Caucasian, Latino.  They are mothers, wives, executives, students, lawyers, stay at home Moms, and some are just plain employees.  Some are Deltas, some are AKA's.   They are older than me.  A few are related to me.  They are younger than me. Some I talk to everyday.  Most of them it doesn't matter how long it's been since we've talked, I can call them anytime and it's like we haven't missed a beat.                                                                  

Tracy Lynn, Me and Michelle in Hawaii

They accept me, they tell me when I'm wrong and affirm me when I'm right,  They cry with me (some have had to endure more tearful moments than others), they laugh with me (real big belly laughs), they listen to me, encourage me, share with me, comfort me, take trips with me, they know when I need a hug or a dinner invite to "get out of the house." They check on me, they pray for me, they pray WITH me, they know which foods I detest, they introduce me to new foods, they cook for me, they teach me and don't judge me if I don't get it right away. 

Me and my bestie/sister Nikki

They support me, but most of all they LOVE me and I LOVE them SO VERY MUCH.    Traci H.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”  Maya Angelou

Here are a few photos of some of my girlfriends:

 





Me and Marion in Captown, South Africa



Me and Michelle in Hawaii







My friend Rhonda

Me and Soror Cynthia

Me and Dani-Wani



Nellie and Kimmie



Day 15 Hug Me Tight

Today I received a genuine, heartfelt, hug.  It was awesome and it was right on time! 

When my grandmother used to ask for hugs she would say, "Come hug me tight."  When you hugged her she would hold you real close and tight and she would make a grunting sound to signal how tight she was holding you.  As a child I didn't realize how impactful those hugs were.  Now I understand.  There's something powerful about touching.  Something healing and calming about an intentionally long embrace.  I had one of those today and I'll never forget it. Traci H.

Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you.  ~Jacques Prévert

Day 14 Second Chances

I found out today that one of my oldest friends passed away last night.  I hadn't talked to her in several years, but always kept up with her through mutual friends or family members.  We grew apart. I moved away; we simply lost touch.  No drama.  We did not have an argument that ended our friendship.  We just grew a part.  I still loved her and I'm certain she still loved me. 

I haven't been able to take my mind off of the fact that she has passed on.  I am so sad.  She has children and comes from a close knit family who, I'm sure, are greatly mourning their loss.   It's always sad to hear that someone you care for has passed, but it is especially sad when you have been out of touch with them.  I keep thinking about how we take for granted that we and others will always be here. Far too often I would think, "I should call her to check in," or i would say to family members, "Tell her I said hello."  All I had to do was do a little digging to find out how to get in touch with her and call her myself. I never did. 

Today I have been thinking about how many times I miss opportunities to connect with people.  Do I tell them I love them, even when I don't like them?  Have I mended relationships I am responsible for breaking and even those that weren't my fault?  Have I forgiven the people I should?  Is there anything left unsaid?  Have I said I'm sorry, please forgive me?

Tomorrow is not promised - today is all I have.  I want to live my BEST LIFE with no regrets. It's not that hard really.  I have to get out of my own way and be led by the spirit.  The spirit never steers me wrong.  Today I am grateful for second chances.

That's all for now.  I have some work to do.   Traci H.

You have the opportunity right now to control whether you'll look back on today with satisfaction or with regret.  -Ralph Marston

Day 13 The Little Things: Roasted Potatoes

Today I am grateful for Market Square Bar and Grill in downtown Houston.  They were they ONLY place I could find tonight that had food I could eat on my fast!  So grateful...so very grateful!  Traci H.

Even on the most difficult days, life is a privilege and joy.  -Ralph Marston

Day 12 One of Those Days

Today was "one-of-those-days." Not a bad one-of-those-days, but a good one-of-those-days.   I woke up before my alarm went off at 6:50 a.m. (3:50 PST), ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill, came back up to my room to change before heading down for breakfast (only fruit these days), then over to the conference.  It may seem like a pretty typical day to most who read this.  Not for me!  Today my step was lighter, my smile was brighter, my load was less heavy, and my faith is stronger.  I decided to let something go today.  Something I have been hanging on to for far too long. Sure IT'S still lingering around because IT is so used to residing in my thoughts, comsuming my perception, and clouding my judgment.  I've outgrown IT.  There's no room for IT, FAITH, AND TRUST to reside in me anymore.  I'd rather have FAITH AND TRUST.  IT has to GO!!!  I am so grateful. 

You've already made much progress. Reach even higher, and keep that golden momentum going.  -Ralph Marston

Day 11 The Little Things

Today I am grateful for on time flights and a comfy hotel bed!  I have been awake since 4:00 a.m. PST and I traveled from SAN to LAX to MCO (Orlando).  I left my house at 4:00 a.m. PST and arrived in FL at 4:30p.m. EST.  No delays...just a long travel day.  I'm pooped.  The hotel is nice...not fancy but nice. The people at the front desk were helpful.  The bed is heavenly.  I am so blessed.  Traci H.

If you use this moment to merely wish for more, you will miss out on most of the value that could be yours right now.   -Ralph Marston

Day 10 Full Moons

Did you see the full moon tonight?  It is amazing!  I LOVE full moons. Seeing one forces me stop, usually in awe, and appreciate the natural flow of the universe and the beauty it creates.  When we're going through rough patches in our lives (death, breakups, depression, losing our job, etc.), sometimes it seems as if the feelings of despair will never end...that pit in your stomach that makes you want to climb in your bed and sleep your way past the pain.  Full moons remind me that darkness (pain) won't last forever...and when the light comes, it will be jaw dropping!,  T. Howard

Imagine a world so beautiful and compelling that you cannot help but do all that's in your power to make it real.  -Ralph Marston

Day 9...A Whole New World

I started this blog last month (January 2011) to have an outlet to write about all of the things I'm grateful for during my fast annual fast.  I am doing a 21 day fast with my church during which I only eat vegetables, fruit and drink water.  The fast is called the Daniel
Fast (http://danielfast.wordpress.com/).  During the fast, we are encouraged to limit negative media and entertainment as well.  I decided to take it a step further and chose to temporarily deactivate my Facebook page since I can tend to spend a great deal of time on there doing absolutely nothing! 

Now, anyone who knows me knows what a difficult undertaking all of this is for me.  I like fruit...actually I love fruit so that's been the easiest part for me.  Problem is, I also like dairy, caffeine, chicken (prepared anyway but mostly fried in strips), reality television, (Dateline, First 48 Hours, Snapped) and diet Sierra Mist.  My veggie repertoire pretty much includes corn, peas, green beans and broccoli.  I would rather starve than eat a tomato, cucumber, mushroom, onion, olive, red cabbage,or green, red or bell pepper.  Tofu?  Forgetaboutit!!!!!   So needless to say, the fast has been challenging for me!

Last week was A MESS!!!  I pretty much lived on fruit and salads.  Since you can't have processed foods or foods with additives, you have to make most of your meals including salad dressing.  If you know me you know how little cooking I do.  Surprisingly, I did ok last week.  I went grocery shopping with one of my friends who is also fasting and she gave me quite a few recipe ideas (see "Fast Foods" in picture above): Wheat pasta with homemade tomato sauce.  Curry potatoes with Tofu (yes I said Tofu).  Baked potatoes with hummus topping.  Veggie burgers (sort of).  Anyway, I made it through the week, caffeine withdrawals and all!

This week I feel GREAT!!!  I plan and prepare my meals each day.  Today for lunch I had curry spiced tofu and potatoes.  For dinner tonight I ate grilled zucchini, beans and cabbage.  Tonight was the first time I've turned my living room tv on in 4 days.  I missed Facebook greatly in the beginning but now I hardly, if ever, think about it.  I significantly reduced the amount of time I spend on the phone and internet (thus the reason for the gap in postings), and I have beeen working out every day.  Last night I ran 3.5 miles on the treadmill...a personal (running) best in over 10 years.  In only 9 days, I have been reminded of the people and things in my life that still need healing, forgiveness, attention, love and releasing.  Each day I continue to go higher in God and in myself.

Nine days in, I am so grateful for this process. 
I am loving Tofu, solitude and Traci more and more each day! 
I am so thankful for God's grace!  It IS sufficient.


All you have to do is trust that God will help you understand the value of your experiences...no matter what they look like in your life.  -Iyanla Vanzant 

Day 8 Do You See What I See?

The other day I had a conversation with one of my good friends.  The conversation was both funny and enlightening.  During the conversation, my friend was sharing a story about how one day two of her closest colleagues started telling her what thought about her.  Not in a bad way but they were telling her how "they saw her".  According to my friend, some of their observations were correct but most of them (according to my friend), were wrong.  My friend was surprised that her colleagues saw her the way they did. 

At one point I interjected and explained to my friend that I understood some of what they were saying because I had had some of the same impressions about her.  She was surprised.  I started telling her all of the things I saw in her that inspire me and others.  She interrupted me and started to tell me that she didn't see that in herself but that she often looked to me for inspiration and guidance.  I was surprised.  We went back and forth like this for a few minutes before we both started laughing.

Isn't it funny how other people see things in us that we don't see in ourselves.  Oftentimes we're looking to other people for things we have all along but don't realize it, don't believe it, are afraid to acknowledge it, have been told we don't have it etc. etc.  We walk around in life admiring other people and their lives but we don't look in the mirror and admire ourselves.  Today I'm grateful for the reminder that I MUST love myself. 

What matters is your intent.  What matters is your truth.  What matters is what you know and feel about yourself.  -Iyanla Vanzant

Day 7 The Little Things

Today I am grateful for the comfort of my bed...
Head is pounding.  Migraine headache.  Third day in a row.

Going to bed now.    Traci H.


When things seem bad, force yourself to cherish what's good.  Do this and your happiness will return.  -RevRun

Day 5 Abundance

Tonight I cleaned out my closet.  Not in some deep, symbolic way.  I REALLY cleaned out my spare closet...and I learned a very big lesson.  It's the beginning of the year so what better time than now to sift through the clutter of clothes, shoes, paperwork, hotel sized shampoo, conditioner, body wash,  mini sewing kits, etc.  Yep!  I cleaned out my closet tonight; Sunday night.  I started later in the evening because I figured it wouldn't take too long (the closet is only so big).  As I pulled things out of the closet I separated them into four piles: 

Pile 1: Things to donate to the women's shelter.

Pile 2: Things to throw away.
Pile 3: Things to give to my mother and sister
Pile 4. Things to keep.   

Each pile was about two to three feet high...including Pile number 4.  Half way through the cleaning I realized this project was going to take much longer than what I could accomplish in one night.  Tired, I sat down in the middle of my mess and looked around.  I sat there for a few minutes and then it hit me.  The lesson in cleaning out my closet was not just about clearing clutter or creating order.  Sure, part of it was about that, but as I sat there and looked around my room, I began to realize that my lesson was much much bigger than cleaning up.  My lesson that day was about abundance.Anyone who knows me knows I love to shop.  I am a bargain shopper so I don't usually go too crazy, but if there is a bargain to be had in any city, trust and believe, my shopping buddies (you know who you are) and I will find it.  What I realized today was that most of things I had been buying, I already had.  Yes there were slight color differences, buckles here but buttons there, long and short, fitted and loose, short heels, high heels, denim and leather, short sleeves, three quarter sleeves, long sleeves...  Every variation you can imagine was covered in that closet but sadly, there were tons of similarities. 

I was suddenly overwhelmed by what I saw, because in that moment, those piles reminded me of something I take for granted far too often.  What I learned tonight is not just related to clothes and shoes.  The piles reminded me of the abundance I already have in my life.  I am so blessed and I have so many people and things to be thankful for.  But I continue to ask for more. Everyday I am reminded of the abundance I have in my life (talking to my nieces and nephew on the phone, getting into my working car, driving into the free parking lot at work, walking into my office, taking a call from a friend or family member, hearing I love you several times a day, opening my refrigerator and kitchen cabinets to find it full (albeit untouched, but full indeed), paying bills, flipping through the 400 channels on my TV).  I could go on and on, but you get my point.  Abundance.  Abundance.  I have it, and I have lots of it and when I'm ready for more, God provide it for me. 

Today I thank God for giving me everything I need, when I need it...no sooner and no later.

As you give what you have, what you are not using, you make room to receive something else in its place. - Iyanla Vanzant

Day 6 Is Joey There?

I woke up with a migraine headache early this morning.  I put the pillows over my head, rolled over, and tried to sleep away the burning pain in my head.  Just as I was dozing back to sleep at 7:06 a.m., my phone rang.  I looked at the number and didn't recognize it.  Normally I wouldn't answer, but I figured if someone was calling that early in the morning, they must really want something. 

I answered the phone and on the other end was the shaky voice of an elderly woman.  "Is Joey there?" she said.  I said, "No Ma’am, you have the wrong number."  She apologized.  I told her it was ok.  She kept talking.  My pounding head and I was not up for a conversation so early in the morning, but out of respect, I listened. 

For the next 3 minutes, she began to explain why she was trying to get in touch with Joey.  You see, Joey lives with her and also works for her and he came in last night and told her the authorities had found his brother dead under a bridge.  She said Joey left the house upset and she hadn't seen or heard from him.  Joey's brother was homeless and had been living on the streets for some time.  Joey had tried to help his brother and had just seen him a couple of days ago and gave him money.  She said Joey and his brother's father never showed him so he had struggled all his life and didn't feel loved.  By this time she had become emotional.  She started telling me about how important love is.  "Loving someone doesn't cost anything", she said.  Through her tears and with her voice breaking, she shared all of this with me.

I tried to interject at this point to bring the unusual conversation to a close.  Before I could interject she started in again."Honey can I ask you a personal question?"  I replied, "Yes."  She said, "Are you a Christian?"  I replied "Yes."  "Oh good then you know that Jesus is love".  After a few more minutes of her talking, I said, "You know, sometimes God calls people home to give them a better life."  I told her I would be praying for her and Joey.  She thanked me and she continued talking.  A few seconds later she ended the call abruptly by saying, "Honey, I have to go, this is Joey calling on the other line."  She thanked me for listening to her and wished me a good day. 

I sat there for a minute after the call ended and tried to process what had just happened.  People misdial my number frequently, but never has anyone engaged me in a conversation like this one and for that long.  The stinging pain in my head had again taken center stage and was calling me to continue on with my plan to sleep it off.  I didn't get the woman's name but I guess I didn't need it.  I prayed for her and Joey.  I also thanked
God for giving me the spirit to see through my own pain to help someone else through theirs.    Traci H. 

If you want others to be happy, show compassion.  If you want to be happy, show compassion.  -RevRun

Day 4 What a Difference Time Makes

Yesterday I reconnected with an old friend.  It had almost been five years.
I shared.  He shared.
He joked.  I laughed. 
I talked.  He listened.
He talked.  I listened.
He apologized. I forgave.
I cried.  He comforted....affirmed...reassured.

Today I am grateful for time, growth and reconciliation. 

A person who is emotionally free from resentments, grievances, hostility, has no desire to convince, cajole, insist, beg, seduce, manipulate or control. He/she is free to love.  -Deepak Chopra

Day 3 The Right People at the Right Time

Today I am grateful for all of you who show up in my life and give me LOVE, encouragement, a listening ear, a
prayer, honesty, reassurance, comfort, time, advice, a reality check, the pleasure of enjoying a tasty
burger with you at a swanky San Francisco restaurant, belly laughs, a shoulder to cry on, a compliment, an
invitation, more LOVE, a good-night-I-hope-you-sleep-well call, an encouraging email or text message, even
more LOVE, a call to say I miss you, an I-don't-want to-let-go-first-hug and more LOVE.  And this was all in
one week!!!

So many times we focus on the negative things taking place in our lives and we forget to stop and count our
blessings.  Don't get it twisted...I am blessed and I am loved.  Traci H. 

 

Focus on your accomplishments, not your failures. Count your blessings. Celebrate the life you’ve
been given.  -Bishop T.D. Jakes

Day 2 I Surrender All

The other day I overheard an exchange between my two year old nephew and my sister.  My sister had told my nephew that if he was a good boy while she put away the Christmas tree, he could have a snack when they went upstairs.  After a few minutes my nephew began to ask my sister about going upstairs to get that snack.  Each time he asked she reminded him that he would be able to get his snack as soon as she finished putting away the Christmas tree.

He kept asking.  And asking.  And asking.  Each time my sister gave him the same answer.  And each time he became more and more agitated when she told him no.  He was frustrated and upset because he could not control the situation and had to wait until my sister was ready to go upstairs.  The more agitated he became, the worse off the situation in the basement became.    He was upset and crying, my sister was agitated, my three year old niece had started to act out,  and the tree was still not put away.  I can imagine that in his two year old mind, he thought that if they didn't go upstairs right now, he would never get the snack.
As I think about my life, I realize that too many times when difficult or painful situations come my way, I create the same situation my nephew created in the basement that day (and probably does so on a regular basis at two years old).  I try to figure out all of the different ways I can fix the problem so that I can have my way. I think about ways I can be different, better, prettier, smarter, faster, slower, quieter, louder,smaller, bigger (not really but you know what I mean), nicer, meaner, sexier, etc., in order to have what I want.

When I release control of a painful, difficult or uncomfortable situation and I surrender my control over its OUTCOME, I am more open to hearing from God and accepting His divine plan for my life. 

Today I am grateful for the knowledge that I can NOT control every situation in my life.  I am grateful to know that peace will show up when I have the courage to let go.    Traci H.


The Valley of Nonresistance teaches us to cooperate with the flow of life and life's events by surrendering control and the demand to have things our way.  -Iyanla Vanzant  (Faith in the Valley)

Day 1...An Encounter with a Barista

God has a way putting a smile on your face even when you don't feel like smiling. I went to bed last night feeling very sad and with a lot on my mind.  After I said my prayers, I told myself I would feel better in the morning.  In spite of my best efforts, I woke up around 4:00 a.m. still feeling sad.  I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to get up and hit the gym.  On the way into the gym I told myself that working out would make me feel better.  After 90 minutes of cardio while reading Iyanla and listening to gospel, I wiped my sweat and walked to my car...still feeling sad.  By that time it was around 6:15, so I decided to stop at Starbucks to continue reading my book and have a cup...I was not yet ready to take my sweaty sad behind home.  The guy at the register greeted me in a friendly voice and tried to engage with me about why I should try a Skinny Caramel Macchiato over my normal Skinny Vanilla Latte.  He then tried to start a conversation with me about how my holidays went.  Still committed to being sad, I gave him a short answer, paid my tab, and stepped aside.  Couldn't he see I was trying to be sad???? 

While I was waiting for my drink, the barista asked me if I had made any new year’s resolutions.  I thought it was an odd question but I responded and said. “No not really.”  I asked him, “Did you?”   He said, "You know, I just want to appreciate family and true friends more, they are all I've got." I looked at him sideways as he handed me my Skinny Caramel Macchiato and for the first time that morning, I smiled.   I said to him, "You're right, and sometimes they are all we need."  I sat down to enjoy my coffee and decided then and there that I was going to have a good day.   

All day I kept going back to that encounter with the barista because it had a huge impact on how my day went.  I CAN choose my mood...no matter what negative things are going on in my life, I can decide how I respond to them.  No matter what the situation, I can choose to speak light or I can choose to speak darkness over it.  Today I chose light!    Traci H.

I think positive thoughts because every cell within my body responds to every thought I think and every word I speak.  -Louise Hay