I'm Not a Morning Person

One of my favorite authors is Wayne Dyer.  He's an inspirational speaker and writer.  In his book,
10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, his secret number four is: Embrace Silence.  I learned to do that this week. 

For the past few days, I have been waking up each morning long before my alarm went off.  The first day I was really frustrated because I hadn't slept much the night before.  The second day I had been planning to sleep late but couldn't. I got up and began writing.  Another day it was the same routine. 
Today, again, I woke up before 6:00 a.m.  I laid in bed and had my private time with God.  After that I thought I would go back to sleep.  I didn't. Once again, I was awake before the sun came up and I didn't like it.   Finally, frustrated, I decided to get up and get my day started.

I got out of bed and started working on my 2012 vision board. I have been putting this off since the new year began but somehow today, before the break of dawn, I was inspired. I went through about 15 magazines, read a few articles I had been putting off reading and ripped out pictures and phrases for my board.  Before I knew it it was 9:30 a.m. and I was ready for breakfast.

I often say how I'm not a morning person, but the more I live, the more I realize that I have to make the best of each hour in the day that I am blessed with.  There is a time for work; a time for rest; a time for working out; a time to refuel, and a time to be inspired.  For me, at least this week, it happens to be at 5:30 a.m. and I am ok with it.

Well, it's after midnight so I'm off to bed.  I have to be up early in the morning.  -tdh

Don't resent what you have to do.  Instead, be delightfully thankful for what you have the opportunity to achieve.  - Ralph Marstons

 Wayne Dyer            
10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace by Wayne Dyer

Eyes Wide Open

Sexy black sequined dress. Glasses raised. Auld Lang Syne blasting through the speakers.  Snuggled up with that special man, I danced my way into 2011 with my EYES HALF CLOSED.  I was on top of the world...at least that's what I thought...and so did everyone else. 
Very soon after 2011 started,  I realized that it was going to be a remarkable one!  I wasn't sure how my life would change.  I wasn't sure WHAT in my life would change, but I knew 100%, that it was going to change.  No, scratch that, I knew it HAD to change. 

I can only remember three to four times in my life where I heard the voice of God speaking to me in a way that was as clear as my own voice.  The first time I remember hearing it was when I was around 24 years old.  I heard it, but I didn't believe it and I couldn't trust it at that time. 

The most recent time was early last year. God spoke. I listened, and then I surrendered.  As a result, 2011 was one of the most amazing years of my life.  It was a year of revelations, realizations, peace, shedding, confidence, reconciliation, love and grace. 

As 2011 came to an end, I have to admit I wasn't excited about going into 2012. Quite honestly, I fell into 2012 kicking and screaming.  Part of me had fears about what it was going to bring for me - old habits die hard I guess. The other part of me just wasn't ready for the new year to begin. Saying that seems strange seeing as how I have absolutely no control over these things.  Yet and still, I wished I could slow down the clock a little and take some time to plan. 

Recently I had a chance to settle down a bit and think about what I want for my life this year.  I realize that much of it is a continuation of what God revealed to me in 2011.  The difference now is that I feel like I'm aligning with God to create the life I deserve.  I'm not doing "my thing" without consulting God about His will for my life. 

2012 came in in a non-momentous way. No cute, sexy, sparkly dress. No man to hold on to (at least not physically). No Auld Lang Syne. No streamers, confetti, cheers etc.  One thing I know for sure, MY EYES ARE WIDE OPEN and I'm grateful.    Bring it 2012.  I'm ready now.   -TDH

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything  James 1:2-4

I Won't Complain!

Last night one of my friends was robbed at gunpoint. He works at a Sprint store here in San Diego. As he and his co-worker were closing the store, two men came in with guns, forced them on the floor with guns to their heads, tied their legs up, took money from him and from the register (about $500), and ran off.

Yesterday I had a crazy day at work too. I was busy working from 8:00 in the morning until 8:30 at night. It was one of those days where I could have been the CCP (Complainers Club President). Looking back over the day, because it was such a hectic day, I pretty much complained and grumbled most of the day.

When I saw my friend and he told me about HIS workday, I realized that my day wasn't so bad. I am so grateful that my friend and his coworker were not harmed. God's grace is so amazing. How many times have we heard about robberies where people were hurt physically or even killed. That my friend survived this ordeal, something that most of us will never even have to experience, is enough to be grateful about.

The incident with my friend gave me perspective in the midst of my crazy day. I am sad that he had to experience that horrible situation but I am grateful for the perspective it has given me...it was one that I so desperately needed...and I won't complain!

With all of its imperfections and challenges, today is still the best day yet! -Ralph Marston

Lost and Found

I'm calling 2011 my year of Lost.....and Found.
I lost my very expensive Nikon camera. 
My grandmother passed away.
I lost a guy I was dating... well, I guess technically I didn't "lose" him, he walked away from our relationship (By the way, it was one of the best things to happen to me) 
I lost my wallet at an airport in Kansas City.
I lost a bag of jewelry that contained several expensive pieces.
I lost my wireless Internet access card.

It seemed like every time I turned around, I was losing something or someone. Someone said, well of course you're losing things, you're so busy. I thought, that might be partially true, but I knew that something (or better yet, SOMEONE) else was at work here.

Eventually, I started feeling defeated, uninspired, and quite honestly, I was worried about my mental health. I didn't feel like myself. After the last "loss", I literally cried out to God in my hotel room, praying and asking HIM for guidance, begging Him to intervene.

What I didn't realize was that He had been trying to intervene, but I was too caught up in mourning WHAT I had lost that I sometimes missed the message in the lost. I held up the mirror and looked at my life over the past few months. When I did I realized that, yes I had lost some valuables things, but what I've found this year is much more valuable. 

• I found a deeper relationship with Christ. My relationship with Him is number 1 and He will never walk away from me.
• I found a greater love for myself. God has loved me so hard this year, even when I didn't love myself, He loved me, and I've grown so much in the way I see myself.
• I found a passion (writing), that centers me and one I hope to use to help other people.
• I found the motivation to live a healthier life (I lost 30 pounds, and work out 4-5 days a week, and no longer have to take high blood pressure medicine)
• I found a renewed faith in God.
• I found the joy of knowing firsthand that God's plan is perfect and that my steps are ordered by Him.
• I found my way back to the heart of worship.

There are two more months in 2011 and I'm looking forward to more findings. Stay Tuned!

Romans 12:1-2

Deuteronomy 13:4

1 Peter 5:8-11

Thanks for the Reminder...

Isn't it strange how God will send a perfect stranger to remind you  of your blessings.  That's what happened to me last week.   I had boarded a flight headed to Missouri to spend time with my family.  After I took my seat, an older gentleman sat down in my row.  At first, he seemed like a bit of a curmudgeon.  He tossed his things on his seat and almost through his bag into the overhead bin an plopped down into his seat without saying a word.   He looked to be in his 60's...attractive, African-American, not necessarily distinguished looking, but he was the type of guy you see and you just know there's way more to him that what you see on the outside.  

Anyway, he takes the aisle seat leaving the middle seat open.  I was quickly trying to respond to email on my Ipad before they closed the airplane doors and made us turn our phones off.  He struck up a conversation with me about my arsenal of electronic gadgets.   I explained to him what everything was, then I asked him if he had an IPad.  He replied that he was still using a flip phone and would probably never move into the new age of technology.  We both laughed.

He told me he lives in Detroit but was traveling to Phoenix to spend time at a home he has there.  We talked about Detroit (I had just come back from there) and about my home, Nebraska.

Shortly after our  middle seat occupant boarded, the flight took off.  After a few minutes, the guy took out a newspaper and began reading it.  Middle seat got up to use the bathroom, and I took out my laptop to do more work.  Admittedly, I was frustrated because it was my birthday and all I wanted to do was relax on the flight, but I still had work to do. 

The guy looks over at me, "You're at it again huh?", he says.
"Yeh, unfortunately I have work to do," I say with a slight frown. 
"Oh yeah?" he replies, leaning over as if he was showing me something in the paper.  "I'll show you some unemployment figures that will make you glad you have work to do!" 

We both laughed (me more out of embarrassment than anything else), then he went back to reading the paper.
Trying not to appear ungrateful, I quickly said to him, "You see, it's my birthday and I just wish I didn't have to work on my birthday."
"Oh, Happy Birthday!  Well, I can understand not wanting to work on your birthday," he says.  Trying to appease.

Then I turned to him and said, "You're right though, thanks for the reminder."
He smiled and went back to reading his newspaper.

He WAS right!  How many times have I complained about my job and all of the work I have to do or how busy I am? It was like a lightbulb turned on in my head when he said that to me.  I decided right then to be grateful for my work/job at all times...no matter how tired I am or how frustrating it becomes.  I am blessed with something many people in our country have lost and can not find. How dare I speak about work as misfortune?

Later in the flight, middle seat and the guy strike up a conversation.  I overheard him telling her that he has worked as a dentist for over 40 years.   I imagined how hard he must have worked to get to get to a point where he could enjoy a vacation home in another city.  I also imagined how much life experience he must have and how many recessions or downed economies he's been through.  It was yet another reminder...this one about how important it is to put in effort and invest in my future.

I left the flight changed by my conversation with that man and I didn't even get his name.  I didn't need it, I received just what I needed in that moment, a REMINDER of God's grace and mercy.  That was the best birthday present I could ask for.

If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It...Just Relax and Let Them Go.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about friendship.  I have been blessed throughout my life to have amazing friends.  As I grow older and take stock of my relationships, I have learned to appreciate my friendships even more.  In spite of this, I tend to draw people to me that require a lot of work to maintain the friendship.  Friendships I know take work but as far back as I can remember, all of the best friendships I've had, the ones that I have maintained through the years, have all been ones that have evolved naturally and they just feel right!

Me and Adrianne 2004

Six years ago my dear friend Adrianne succumbed to breast cancer at the age of 42.   I can't remember exactly how we became friends, but I do remember it happened quite naturally.  It never felt forced or fake.  Of course we worked at our friendship, but the closeness came organically. 

I remember one of the first times I performed with a band. I was soooo nervous.  It was a Salsa/Merengue band so not only did I have to sing, I had to sing in Spanish!!!  Adrianne was the first one there!!!  She was tasked with recording my performance that night.  Towards the end of the performance on one of my breaks, she let me know that she had successfully recorded the show, but hadn't realized until more than half way through the show, that the lens cap was still on.

In spite of this snafu, she supported me and I supported her.  She listened to me and I listened to her.  When I think about my other friendships that mean so much to me, they all operate in the same way.    

When Adrianne passed, she left behind an eight-year old daughter, Nicole.  I made a promise to Adrianne that I would stay involved in Nicole's life and, while we don't see each other often, she and I have a wonderful relationship.  Nicole is 14 now (she'll be 15 in November) and she has grown into a lovely young girl.

A couple of weeks ago, Nicole and I went on a road trip to Fresno to attend my uncle's 90th birthday party.  We had a great time!!!  Being around her reminds me so much of her mother; she looks JUST like Adrianne and has many of her mannerisms and qualities.  Adrianne was smart, beautiful, funny, stylish and courageous.  I see these same qualities in Nicole and I can't help but think about how proud Adrianne would be of her!   

Adrianne and Nicole (2004)

I still miss Adrianne a lot but I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to spend part of my life with her as my friend.  Our friendship has had a big impact on my life in San Diego.  She saw things in me that I couldn't see in myself and she encouraged me in areas where I felt the the most fear.
Four days before she passed, she and I had a serious conversation about friendship.  She shared with me what she thought true friendship was made of and she thanked me for being her true friend.  Through my tears, I remember very clearly saying back to her, "Thank YOU for making this friendship so easy." 

When I left her house that day, I was supposed to return in a couple of days to bring her a pair of fluffy socks she'd wanted to keep her feet warm.  I was also sent on a quest to find the song Glamorous Life by Sheila E so she could download it to her Ipod (it was one of her favorites and was so apropos).  I bought the socks for her but never got to give them to her.  She passed four days later.  I found the song several months later.

Through Nicole, I realize that my friendship with Adrianne is still alive. I can't help but think about how proud Adrianne would be of Nicole.  My life has been enriched by Adrianne and Nicole and for that I am grateful! 

Nicole August 2011

I realize now I would much rather have the rich memory of this beautiful friendship than to start a new friendship or maintain and old one that just doesn't feel right.  Sometimes you just have to relax and LET THEM GO. 

Answered Prayers

When I was about 12 or 13 years old, my parents went out shopping one evening. Before they left they mentioned that they had hoped to find winter boots for me and my sister. When they returned from their shopping trip, I ran to the living room with great excitement about the new boots I was sure they had bought me. They began taking things out of the bag and out came a shoebox that carried a nice new pair of winter boots...for my sister. I glanced into the empty bag and quickly realized there were no boots for me.

I remember this day vividly because I instantly got an attitude with my parents about not buying me boots. I went to my room with a huge pout on my face and an even bigger attitude. After rolling my eyes and slamming (gently slamming cuz Momma didn't play that), a few drawers and doors, my Mom realized that something was awry. I kept my attitude for most of the night until finally my mother came into my room and sat on my bed.

She asked me what was wrong.

"Nothin," I said.

Then my mother said, "Yes it is! Why are you walking around here with an attitude?"

I managed to whisper (and I mean I whispered), "Cuz I didn't get any boots."

Now this is the part I remember most and I can still hear the disappointment in my Mother's voice when she said, "We looked around all night trying to figure out how we could get boots for both of you." Your sister doesn't have any shoes to get her through the winter and you do so we had to buy hers today. Your dad is going to get your boots when he gets paid next month"

Right then I felt horrible. Even at 12/13 years old, I realized how selfish I was being. I realized there was more behind the blessing than what I could see with my eyes.
True to his word, my father bought me a new pair of boots about a month or so later...when the timing was right. I  think I was more proud of the boots then than I would have been if I had received them when I wanted them.

Sometimes it can be frustrating waiting on God. I know what "the word" says about patience, trust and God's timing, but in the midst of the waiting, there are times when naturally, I begin to wonder if God is going to come through and why God doesn't come through...just like the boots from my parents.  I know that there is more to the blessings that God has in store for me than what I can see and what I imagine for myself. I am grateful today for answered prayers.

One of the greatest blessings is to be able to be happy even when things aren’t going the way we planned. –Joyce Meyers

Time for me! I'm back...

Oh my gosh!  This has certainly been a long summer.  As a matter of fact, I can't remember having a summer like this in a very long time.  It FLEW by. 
I wish I could say it's been all good.  I mean, there have been some unforgettable, soul inspiring belly- aching-because-I-laughed-so-hard moments.  I was able to hang out with a few of my really good girlfriends: (Kim J., Renell B., CGooch aka: TBDIO, Stephanie Perry (LOVE you), Shelina B., Christen L., Michelle A., and more), and this always makes me happy.  I traveled to a couple of new places and made a couple of new friends...well maybe their more like acquaintances. 

However, I realize that the stress I felt at the beginning of the summer, is still there.  Work has been unbelievably hectic.  I have had trouble sleeping...my good eating habits have waned slightly.  I have been losing, instead of gaining momentum in some areas.  As the summer pressed on, I felt as if I was losing air with each passing day.  A couple of weeks ago I went home for Native Omahans weekend and I had a Come To Jesus meeting with myself. 

Blogging has been therapeutic and enlightening for me.  I have been writing a little for church but I have missed terribly, writing in my Gratefulness blog.   Even if no one reads it, it comforts me to take time to reflect on my blessings and pour my thoughts out (well some of them) in this fashion.  :-)   It is not that I haven't had things I am grateful for, I just didn't take the time to reflect on them. 

I am back now. No more neglecting that part of me that longs for expression, release and peace.

Look for a way to respond to the setback that will end up putting you in a stronger position than you were before the setback occurred. - Ralph Marston

Little Hands...Little Feet...Warm Heart!

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written last.  I'm back now and want to share a quick story about something that touched my heart today.

Little "Guy" aka "Fat Jack"

So I am in KC working for a few days and am delighted because I have a lot of family in the area (my sister and brother and their families, my favorite aunt and cousins, and an uncle) so it always does my heart good to come to KC. 

I arrived late last night and after picking up my rental car, I drove straight to my sister's house.  By that time my nieces (Brooklynn, 6, Kennedi, 4 and my nephew "Guy",3) were fast asleep.   My sister and brother-n-law had not told them I was coming so they had no idea. 

Brooklynn

The next morning I woke up to them screaming my name "Tee Tee!"  "Tee Tee!"  "Tee Tee!"  When they recognized it was me, they climbed onto my pallet, laughing, grabbing me, trying to get close to me.  Kennedi was in my face (so close I couldnt' see HER face) calling my name.  Brooklynn was scrambling to get underneath the covers with me...grinning from ear to ear.  Guy, after figuring out who I was, began tapping me saying "Tee-Tee Tee-Tee".  When I finally acknowledged him he looked at me with a smile as wide as Texas and said "Hi!" 

Little Kennedi

Their climbing all over me quickly reminded me of all of the sore spots caused by my intense personal training session the day before.  Ouch!!! 
The pain was well worth it though.  As a matter of fact, I wish I could wake up to that every morning.  It was the best way to greet a new day!  Sore muscles and all.

Dee

My beautiful cousin Dee with her son Mike

It's been way too long since I have posted.  It's not because I have not had things to be grateful for.  No...it's definitely not that.  I have plenty of things to be grateful for. 

The last few weeks I found myself getting sucked in to the craziness of life.  I started feeling overwhelmed with work.  I have not been sleeping.  I have been feeling homesick...down...a little depressed, and the worst of all, uninspired. 

Two days ago I woke up and I could not get out of bed.  I mean, physically I could move, but there was something in me that did not want to face the day.  I stayed in bed for over an hour before I got up.  When I finally got out of bed, I moped around doing everything I could to avoid getting ready for work. 

Then I remembered that it was my cousin Deirdre's birthday; she passed away three years ago at the age of 23.  The more I thought about how much I missed her, and about her son, my aunt, uncle, and cousins, the sadder I became. 

Three years ago at her funeral they played a DVD with music and a photo montage. I have a copy of the DVD  but I've only watched it once because it brings up so many sad emotions for me.  Nevertheless, I decided to watch it this morning. 

I cried of course.  I cried hard!  Oddly, at the end of the video, I felt better.  I felt better because I was reminded of the promises I made to myself right after she passed.  On the flight home from the funeral I made a list of things I wanted/needed to do to  make sure I am living my best life.  The list, which I still have, came from a place of inspiration and resolve.

I also thought about how much joy and laughter Dee brought to everyone in her short 23 years. She was beautiful, headstrong, principled, loving and funny.  Always funny - every since she was a young girl.
 

Me and Dee

I don't know how this all started, but she and I had a special language we spoke to each other.  When we were together, we would start speaking to each other in our "language" and at certain points in the conversation, we would burst into laughter as if we were telling jokes that only we could understand.  In all honesty, it was just a bunch of gibberish, but it was our language.  When others would attempt to talk to us in our language (not too many were crazy enough to engage us, but a few tried - you know who you are), we would give them a look that said, we have NO IDEA what you're saying!  We spoke this language even as adults, which is one of the things that made it so funny.  I think about our "language" often and it makes me smile.

After I watched the DVD, I began to feel that same inspiration and resolve I felt after her funeral services.  I knew then that I had to pull it together and get back to my commitment to live my best life.

Today I am grateful for having had the opportunity to know and love Deirdre.  I am grateful for all of the memories I have of her that can never be erased.  I am grateful for her inspiration, just when I need it the most.   

Uncle John and the girls (sans Nikki, Nanz & Gloria), in Sacramento

To Dee:  Kedi kedis cooodi cuuchhishlke. Love always, Traci!