A Good Report

In 2009 I went to my doctor for a checkup.  I was HORRIFIED to learn that I my blood pressure was high and I was going to be put on Hydrochlorothiazide, a water pill used to treat high blood pressure.  I cried right there in the Doctor's office.  As a young girl, I remember my grandmother talking about taking her "pressure pills" and how high certain stressful events (usually having to do with us bickering grandkids or my grandfather) were making her "pressure" rise.  I didn't really understand what that meant but I told myself then that I would do whatever I needed to do not to have to deal with this "pressure" thing.  My grandfather was a diabetic and subsequently became an amputee. I didn't understand what it meant to be a diabetic, but again, I vowed to do whatever was necessary not to develop this disease that required my grandfather to inject himself daily. 

I set out to do this at a very young age and, for the most part, I was doing a decent job at it living a healthy life but still, I knew there were changes I could make.  When my doctor told me that my blood pressure was high I was devastated.  Reluctantly, I said ok and asked how long She said I would probably have to take medicine for the rest of my life.  I really cried then.  I felt embarrassed because my doctor looked at me like I was insane.  I explained to her my childhood commitment to good health.  She said you're doing everything right so you're probably genetically presdisposed to it because of your strong family history.  "I don't care what she says, I'm not living the rest of my life with high blood pressure." 

Fast forward to today, sixteen months later, with prayer, a drastically modified diet, a committed workout schedule, 27 fewer pounds, a life with LESS stress and MORE self-acceptance and love, I was taken off of the Hydrochlorothiazide at my doctors appointment today.  When my doctor told me that I could go off the pills, I wanted to cry.  She told me she was proud of me and encouraged me to keep doing whatever I was doing.  I reached a very big goal for myself and I feel awesome!

You can make changes in your life.  Whatever it is you want to do, you have the power within you to do.  Lose weight.  Become healthy.  Read more.  Save money.  Learn to play an instrument. Go back to school.  Travel.  Whatever your goal is, it's possible.  It starts with prayer and self love.  When you have faith and love and accept yourself, you want better for youself. 

Whole Foods

I am so happy about this and I am committed to living a life that is physically and mentally healthy. 

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

Salt Lake City

Last week was a crazy one for me.  In six days I traveled from San Diego to Phoenix from Phoenix to Salt Lake City (SLC), from SLC to San Diego and after less than 24 hours at home, I flew from San Diego to Jacksonville.  It was a long and tiring week with way too many early morning flights but I still took the time to find things to appreciate and be grateful for. 

I'm one of few people who love SLC.  It is one of the most scenic cities I have ever been too.  The snow capped mountains give me pause and call upon me to reverence God and His awesome works. 



A Cloudy Day in Salt Lake City

 Today I am most grateful for two things:
1. My job that allows me to travel to places I probably never would on my own
2. The ability to see the beauty of God's creation. 

No amount of riches or pleasure will satisfy a person who is incapable of enjoying the present moment.          -Deepak Chopra

They Are Us and We Are Them

The earthquake and tsunami in Northern Japan has had a horrific impact on that country.  The estimated death toll is 10,000.  The earthquake created a 23 foot wall of water that devastated that area.  I can't even imagine what experiencing that would be like.  The devastation reminds me of how damaging and impactful the earthquake in Haiti was. 

There is a saying that goes something like this:  They are us and we are them.  Essentially it means, they are not separate from us just because we are thousands of miles away, look different, or speak a different language.  We are all one.  Their pain and suffering is our pain and suffering.

My prayers go out to the people of Japan.  My heart aches for the people who suffered tumultuous deaths and to those who remain in suffering and despair, I pray for their safety and strength.

Dear Diary

Journal Entries:
5/26/99:
I have applied for several jobs and had several phone interviews.  There's one in San Diego at California Western School of Law.  California seems exciting...I fly out there to interview on June 7.  I am remaining prayerful and trusting that the job will come through.  A move to CA would be expensive and time consuming but I know God will make a way. 

6/9/99:

Well, I'm back from the interview in California.  It was a wonderful experience and I'm excited about the possibility of getting the job. Next year this time I may be in California.  I am most nervous about being away from my family.  I will miss them tremendously.  I just need to make sure my salary will be enough to make trips home as often as I want to. I am turning things over to God and trusting that He will make a way for whatever He wants to happen in my life.

Beautiful San Diego Skyline

I was going through one of my journals a few days ago and came across these two entries.  I was struck by what I wrote and by what has transpired in my life over the past eleven and a half years.  I realized that God had given me exactly what I had asked Him for:  I got the job at the law school.  I didn't have to worry about the cost of the move out to San Diego because the law school moved me out here.  I have been able to visit my family in Omaha and Kansas City frequently.  So frequent that at one point someone at my home church asked if I had moved back to Omaha.

Coming across this blog when I did was right on time.  There are a few things I have been praying to God for recently.  One of things I have been praying about consistently and I started wondering if it would ever come to pass.  The journal reminds me that God does answer prayers.  Sometimes we need to be reminded about all of the amazing things God has already done in our lives in order strengthen our faith in God to deliver the things we're asking him for now.  

Oddly enough, the one thing that I had been praying consistently about come to pass today.  Once again, God showed up right on time. 

And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.
                                                                                -Matthew 21:22

Feeling It At the Pump...

Wow, it's been almost a week since my last post.  My laptop died...actually it's still dead (I'm working on a borrowed laptop from work).  I'm back now and ready to share!  :-)

Last Saturday I drove up to Los Angeles for work and to attend my good friend's 40th birthday party.  I filled my car up before I left.  My tank was just about on empty so as I stood at the pump listening to the stream of gas pouring into my tank, I watched the pump dollar display get higher, and higher.  And higher.  Finally, it stopped at $57.68.  I stood there shaking my head thinking, I don't know if I have ever spent that much to put gas in my personal car before.   

Two days later (today), I had to fill my tank again.  Once again I was almost on "E".  I listened, waited and watched the pump display.  During this time a guy pulled up and started pumping gas in his car.  We began talking and he went on a mini-tirade about the high cost of gas.  I understood his frustration.  $4.11 per gallon is pretty expensive.  When he went inside of the store, I began thinking about a time when gas was no where near as expensive as it is now, and even then, there were times when I could only afford to put $5 in here or $10 in there.

When my pump stopped, I put the nozzle away and I looked up at the display.  $60.43.  I was taken aback but I made a choice right then and there about how I was going to respond to the price tag. 

I wished the man well, got in my car and looked up at the pump display once again to confirm the amount.  $60.43.  Once inside my car I took a minute to thank God for blessing me with a car and the means to be able to fill up the tank.  Then I drove off. 

Why is it so easy to settle our minds on the most shocking and depressing parts of our story?  The negative parts.  The part that garners the most attention.  Conditioning forces our attention to drama and thoughts of lack.  When I thought about how much it cost to fill my tank, I immediately felt stress.  When I began to look at the cost of gas from a different perspective, one of abundance and blessings, my emotions immediately changed from feeling stressed to feeling peace and gratefulness. 

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
                                                                                   -Wayne Dyer

Here and Now!

I woke up this morning and said,  "I can't believe it's March already!  This year is flying by!"   Then I thought, I am so grateful to see THIS day! 
I get excited everytime I think about the future God has planned for me.  I get even more excited when I think about my life TODAY, right here and now!!  Sometimes when it feels as if life is moving by so quickly, it can be easy to to fall into this mode where we focus on the future and forget about the NOW! 

Focusing on NOW can be hard because NOW can be filled with heartbreak, sadness, confusion, disappointment, rejection, and all of the other emotions that can disrupt your thoughts.  Some may ask, how can you be grateful for a NOW that feels like that?  All I can say in response is that it takes work!  I received this mantra from one of my favorite writers, Louise Hay, that I use to help me through these difficult times.  It says:  All is well.  All is well.  Everything is working out for my highest good.  Out of this situation only good can come.  And I am safe!  

I love this mantra and I use it regularly at home and at work.  It puts the NOW into perspective.  It encourages surrender to God. And it reassures. 

I am excited about my future and I visualize it often but I don't discount the present because the lessons I learn now will help shape my tomorrow. 

No need to wait. Life is now. Enjoy, in joy.  -Ralph Marstons

Day 30...The Greatest Love of All

It's been a few days since I've been on here.  As I near Day 30 of my blog posting, I can't help but reflect on how much I've grown over the past 2 months.  Maya Angelou wrote a book titled, "Wouldn't Take Nothing for my Journey Now",  This title best describes how I feel about my life today.  The funny thing is, when I started on this "journey," I wanted to be anywhere but there.  I was pulled into this leg of my journey kicking and screaming.  Oh how I resisted being here, but the more I resisted, the worse things got. 

Finally, I got tired.  So I surrendered.  Hands in the air, heart wide open, spirit willing.  I gave away myself, my idea of how things should be, and my wants, so that God could do His work IN me.

I am still working through this part of my life's journey, but I know I wouldn't be at this place today if this year had not of started the way it did.  When I started this blog, I wanted to use it as a way to focus on all of my blessings and positivity in the midst of a sad and confusing time in my life.  This blog did help me accomplish that goal.  Even on the days I didn't write, I tried to keep my mind focused on the blessings in each day.  I gained a lot more than this though.  I learned the importance of surrendering.  I have been able to increase my faith and trust in God, I have reached a new level of forgiveness and healing.  Most important of all, I have a higher level of understanding of the power of love. 

LOVE.  Self love.  Love of others.  God's Love.

Self Love:  People come into my life to show me what my relationship with myself looks like.  Nobody ('cept God) can love me better than I can!  Nobody!

Love of others:  You know, some people won't show love to others unless that person shows love towards them.  I'm ok with loving someone, I mean really loving someone, who doesn't express the same love towards me.  The love I feel in my heart is enough knowing that God's divine order will prevail, and love is the key to moving me towards my promise. 

God's Love:  God's love is so amazing. I don't have to do anything, say anything or offer anything to gain his love.  He loves me just for me right where I am.   Even when I don't love Him like I should, He loves me.  That is truly the greatest love of all.

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, you owe me.  Look what happens to a love like that, it lights the whole sky.  Hafiz  

Day 29...Life's Lessons

When you reach a certain age in life some people think there is nothing else you could possible learn.  You have seen it all.  Done it all. Met all types.  Read all the books.  Heard all of the stories.  Learned all of the lessons.  I hope I never get to that point in my life.  At 42, I want to continue learning.  In the past 50 days, I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and my life.  It hasn't all been pretty.  In fact, some of it has been hard to look at but I it has all been worthwhile. 

While I have been learning about myself, this blog has been a great opportunity for me to keep my focus on the many blessings in my day-to-day life.  I had gotten to a point where I found it more easy to get bogged down with the negative influences and forget about the multitude of positive influences that were flowing into my life every on a regular basis.  We have a choice about the way we"see" situations in our lives.  We can choose to focus on the negative or the positive.  We can choose to see only the bad or only the good or we can acknowledge the bad but let the good help us find our way. 

Since the beginning of the year, I have had a number of unfortunate situations: a very sick grandmother, the loss of three friends (two passed away and the other just walked away), I lost a very expensive camera, I have been overwhelmed more than ever at work, a few of my friends have been dealing with job losses, broken engagements, and illnesses.  For awhile it seemed as if every day I was getting bad news from one direction or the other. 

In the midst of that, I have been able to lose 14 pounds (dropped 1 and a half sizes), be in the best shape I've been in in over 15 years, reconnect with an old friend, be available for my friends who have been "going through', reconnect with God, see my life and God's promise for me moer clearer, organize my office, organize my home, forgive, heal and  fall in love with myself again. 

So no, I do not want to stop learning. I want to continue learning so I can continue to grow.  TraciH

When you get comfortable in a place where God only intends to take you through, you will delay entering into your promised land.
-Bishop TD Jakes

Day 28...Home Sweet Home

Dorothy said it best when she clicked her heels and wished for the thing she most wanted in life, to be home.  "There is no place like home." 

It's the place where I can be myself, let it all hang out, be loved unconditionally, be fed good food, laugh about the old days,  and leave my worries behind.  I'm so glad to be home around the people who know me the best and love me the most!  :-)  TraciH.


Your life is a unique and most precious thing.  Choose to live it with quality in every moment.  -Ralph Marston

Day 27...Moving Forward

I worked from home today.  It's nice to be able to work from home because I can work in my pajamas, with my scarf and fuzzy socks on.  I am so blessed to have a job that allows me to do this. 

I started working around 8:00 this morning and right around 3:30 I started feeling restless.  Since I knew I would be working in the evening too, I decided to head over to Cowles Mountain to get in a little exercise and try to break my previous record of 50 minutes. I started up the mountain at 4:20.  Five minutes into the climb a woman who was walking with her two children tells me "There's a snake over there."  I IMMEDIATELY panicked.  Anyone who knows me knows that two of my biggest fears are the furry felines that some call pets, and snakes.  It doesn't matter what kind of snake it is, as a matter of fact, it could be the skin the snake shed.  Even that's enough to cause me to act a fool.

When she said she saw a snake, I stopped in my tracks.  So she said, "It's only a baby snake” as she held out her hands about 16 inches apart.  In my head I panicked again.  It could be 16 inches, or 16 centimeters.  I don't care. I don't want to be anywhere near snakes.  I'm one of those people who turn away from the TV if they show a snake on there. 

My first thought was to turn around and head to the gym where I could get in a good work out without having to face any fears.  As quickly as that thought came, the voice inside my head said 'Keep Moving'.  So I did.

To some this may not seem like a big deal but to me it was a powerful moment.  Scripturally, I realize that we are not to be ruled by fear (2 Timothy 1:7) but sometimes fear gets the best of me and it's hard for me to drown out the voices that speak fear into my situations. So moving forward up the mountain was a big deal to me.

Before I started walking again, I put Israel Houghton's Moving Forward on repeat play on my IPod and pressed on.  By the time I got halfway to the top of the mountain, I had forgotten about the snakes (sort of) and was focusing on my goals: getting to the top of the mountain without fear and breaking my record.  All the way up the mountain I sang the song aloud...sometimes really loud.  People were looking at me but I didn't care.  I smiled at them and kept moving forward.  I didn't worry about what they thought about me, about how crazy they thought I looked or how bad they thought my singing was.  I moved on towards my goal...my purpose.

I didn't give up and I also didn't see any snakes.  I'm sure the snakes were there, but I didn't let my fear force me to miss out on this wonderful opportunity to make it to the top AND get in a great workout.  It would be dishonest to say that my fear of snakes is gone.  It's not.  I'm glad I didn't turn around...it's all about moving forward now.  Let's Go!!!!   TraciH.

Every step forward takes you a little closer to the promise and a little further from the past! 
Bishop T.D. Jakes