Day 26...In This Place

I am grateful for the place I am in right now.  This place where I have been able to
uncover, remember,
reflect, mourn, cry,
doubt, lose, struggle,
cry, hide, be rejected,
worry, be in solitude, cry,
be fearful and cry a lot more. 

To every experience that has brought me to this place, I say thank you.  I would not have it any other way.  I am right where God wants me to be. 

How do I know that I am in the place God wants me to be?  Because in this place, I have also been able to
release, forgive,
be grateful, give thanks,
heal, be joyful,
meditate, shed,
trust, sow seeds
find peace and understanding,
fall in love,
have faith,
and move on.

Often, what may seem to be a very sad moment can reveal new levels of life’s goodness to you. 

                                                                                                                               -Ralph Marstons

Day 25....Diego

Today I am grateful for San Diego!  I've been in San Diego for 11 years and I sometimes forget how amazingly beautiful it is.  I climbed Cowles Mountain today.  Once I got to the top, I sat there for several minutes meditating and taking in the view.  I live in one of the most beautiful cities in the country, my life is so blessed, and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy!  TraciH.

   Life is always changing + you can always adapt = great possibilities for wonder & richness.  -Ralph Marstons

Day 24 Healing

The cut on my finger was deep. 
It hurt like CRAZY!

Thinking back on it, the water appeared harmless.  The suds had formed seemingly perfect mountains over the clear, warm water. 
Inviting me into it. 
I couldn't see what was beneath those beautiful suds. 
I had forgotten...got too comfortable. 

I don't know why I thought that putting my hand in the sudsy water that held a knife wouldn't hurt me. 
I was wrong. 
I WAS hurt. 

Was it my fault or the knife's fault? 
It didn't matter.  No time to play the victim. 
What mattered at that time was stopping the blood and healing the pain. 

I applied pressure.  And more pressure...and more.
The more pressure I applied, the bleeding finally stopped. 

Now I could focus on the pain. 
I thought the sharp pain would never stop. 
But it did.  Eventually. 

The wound is still sore, but only when I bump it or press on it. 
So I try not to do that.
 
I can't change what happened. 
Now all I can do is take care of my finger. 
So it can heal. 

Every step forward takes you a little closer to the promise and a little further from the past! 
-Ralph Marston

Day 23 So Happy and Grateful!

I went to the gym a little while ago and I was wearing this shirt.  As I was working out, a guy came up to me and asked me what I was so happy and grateful for. It was a weak pickup line but I engaged him in a short conversation anyway.  Why do people want to start a conversation when you're at level 50 on the exertion scale?  Anyway, at first I didn't realize why he was asking me, but then I remembered my shirt!  I answered him by saying, I'm happy about everything today...I count it all joy! 

His question got me to thinking about all of the things I am happy and grateful for today, so I decided to make:

Traci's Top 10…no, 11 List of Things to Be Happy About Today

1. I woke up this morning!

2. I talked to Kennedi, my four-year old niece this morning and she told me in her cute little voice that she missed me!  Melts me each time!

3. I ran 4.21 miles and burned 748 calories at the gym tonight.

4. All of my fav songs came up on the rotation during my workout so I didn't have to fast forward!

5.  I read three boxes of apps today!

6. I have peace in my heart and mind today! 

7. I heard an amazing message from Minister T.D Jakes. (more about this in a future posting - it's deep ya'll)

8. I planned a get-away trip to San Francisco for the end of February (bought a ticket, now I need a place to stay)

9. I made a reservation to go on a hot air balloon ride with two of my friends! I am through the roof excited about this!!!!   Sunrise Balloons 

10.  I was finally successful in making a delicious pot of white beans (Thanks to Mrs. W. for the tip). I tried 3 times last month and each time I ruined them. 

11.  I am beginning to feel like myself again and it feels soooooooo good to be me!!!! 

There is no real happiness unless you can be honest with yourself! 
-Ralph Marston

Day 22 Making Wrong Situations Right

Wisdom chooses to do now what you will be satisfied with later.  -Joyce Meyer

Last Monday I was having a challenging day and it seemed as if all day I was looking for something to complain about.  As I normally do on Mondays, I attended two Zumba classes: one at 5:30 and the other at 7:30.  Attendance in the 7:30 class is regulated to prevent overcrowding so I was in line 45 minutes before the class started to make sure I could get a spot. 

When it was almost time for class to begin, people began to file in and some were trying to cut the line.  I didn't mind one person cutting the line, but after awhile, there were several people trying to cut in line.  I couldn't take it.  I told one of the line cutters that she was wrong to cut and "encouraged" her to find her proper place in line.  She ignored me.  Again I "encouraged” her to move.  Again she ignored me.  The more she ignored me the more worked up I got.  The more worked up I became, the more I made it a point to let her know she was out of order.  Finally we had an exchange of words and off we went into class.  She did not advance to the front, instead, she was in the very back of the class. 
By the end of class, I realized that I had been out of order when I started policing the line.  That was not my job.  I felt bad about having words with the woman.  Immediately after class I looked for her, but she was gone.  The whole night I felt bad about what happened in class and I had regret over the way I handled the situation. 

The next time I saw her (three days later), she was sitting on a mat doing stretches.  I walked over to her and asked her if I could talk to her.  She gave me that "not-you-again-look, and with a tinge of skepticism, she agreed.  I understood her reluctance.  I swallowed a big gulp of my pride, sat down on the mat next to her, and apologized. 

I apologized for being rude and overbearing, and admitted to her that I had no right to play that role. She explained that when she realized the line situation, she knew she couldn’t cut the line and waited until everyone went in to find her spot in the back of the class.  She said she was fuming over the incident.  She graciously accepted my apology and thanked me for offering it.  We introduced ourselves to each other and I went on my way. 

We have all been involved in situations where we say or do things that I call "in-the-moment responses".  We react to situations without fully thinking through the impact of our words and actions.   Iyanla Vanzant wrote, ‘We create with our thoughts.  We create with our words. Our actions have a rippling effect on everything and everyone with whom we come in contact. We cannot afford to wag our tongues mindlessly.  In our ignorance, we create the very things we do not want.’  (Value in the Valley).
I learned a very good lesson from that situation.  I know that I do NOTwant to live with regret...I've never been able to find peace with regret.  Those three days between the incident at the gym and my apology were long enough.  I can not erase what happened, but I hope my "right" decision (apologizing), will reverse the impact of my “wrong” decision. 

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to make things right.  Traci H.

Day 21 Perfect Peace

Dictionary.com defines Peace as:  freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity. 
2011 got off to a rocky start for me - in fact, it was the worst start to the new year I have ever experienced.  I was challenged almost every day for the first two to three weeks in 2011 (beginning on January 1), by a variety of situations and events. 

At one point, I wanted to get on a plane and fly to the Seychelles, Bora Bora, or even Montana, just to get away from it all.  I realized it wasn’t feasible to get THAT far away, and one morning I woke up and thought, “Montana?  Are you crazy Traci?”  I quickly realized that I needed to stay here and deal with my life and work towards finding peace!  I didn’t need to get away…I needed peace!!!  And I knew exactly where to find it. In order to get to peace, I had to understand two things: 

1. First, I had to still my mind and take my focus off all of the things that were breaking my spirit.  I had my focus in the wrong place.  I needed to surrender and turn my focus to God.  Isaiah 26:3 says, [God] will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on Him.   

2. Second, I had to have faith in knowing that there is a divine plan for my life that has already been decided.  I do not know what that plan is, but I trust that God will not allow me to suffer or live in despair unnecessarily or forever.   He does EVERYTHING in my life for my highest good.  Even this time of uncertainty and pain is meant for my good.  No matter what happens, I will be ok!   



Iyanla Vanzant said that the LEAST of what God wants us to be is GOOD.  In essence, she was saying that goodness is a starting place for God.  Once you believe that, then you know that the rest of your life's path has to be filled with more goodness, love, prosperity, joy, etc. 

Do I still feel sad?  Yes at times I do.  I'm still wrestling with some things but I try not to let my feelings rule my day.  Am I where I want to be?  Not yet.   In fact, I still have a ways to go, but the path is more bearable when you have peace in your heart and mind.  Traci H.

 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:7

Day 20 Cowles Mountain

This morning I climbed Cowles Mountain by myself.  I have climbed the mountain several times before but this was the first time I did it by myself. It took me 50 minutes (my personal best) to go up and back down the mountain.  My fear of doing it alone is related to the rattlesnakes they warn us about.  I have never seen one but knowing they are there is enough to make me afraid.  My friends who climb it with me will tell how many times I ask them to be on snake watch when we're going up the mountain.    

It was a beautiful day in San Diego today so the trail was a bit full.  When I started the climb, a helicopter had to rescue a pregnant woman (8 months), from the top of the mountain.  When I saw all the flurry of activity (fire trucks, ambulances and helicopter), I knew I had to inquire about what was going on so I could make sure my worst nightmare about Cowles had not come true (rattle snake bite).  Actually, I guess ME being bit by a rattlesnake is more of my "worst nightmare" and not someone else.  When I found out that it wasn't snake related, I moved ahead with confidence, determination and Chrisette Michele!

It took me about 35 minutes to make it up the mountain and about 15 minutes to make it down (I ran most of the way down).  I know people who run or walk up the mountain and back down and in much less time than my 50 minutes so I am not at all bragging about my 50 minutes.  I would not have been able to have the courage or physical ability to do it if I had not been working hard to make changes on the inside and out. 

I am healthy!  Physically, emotionally and mentally healthy.  For that I am grateful!   Traci H.

This moment can be your first step towards the best you can imagine!   Ralph Marston

Day 19...COHI

I am grateful for the City of Hope International Church (www.cohionline.com).  The ministry at this church has blessed my life in so many ways.  I found the church by chance while surfing the net almost two years ago.  I had not attended church for a ridiculously long time.  On my first visit, I felt welcomed and comfortable and I knew I had to come back the following Sunday.  The pastor (Pastor Terrell Fletcher) is gifted and annointed in ways that are changing lives and knocking down strongholds and walls.  The people are good people, it's diverse, and it's non-demoninational. 

Ok, I could go on and on but I won't.  That's all I have for now. Traci H. 

This moment can be your first step toward the best life you can imagine.  Ralph Marston  

Day 18 My Big Brother

Me and My Big Brother


 

I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my big brother tonight.  My brother and I don't talk often (once every 1- 2 weeks).  To some that may seem like a lot, but my sister and I talk at least once a day so going two weeks without talking to him feels like months sometimes.  Anyway, even though my brother and I don't talk often, he and I have a very close relationship.  Tonight I was having sort of a rough evening, and it is almost as if he knew it.  He called me out of the blue to say he was just calling to see how I was doing.  It was just what I needed at that moment and he had no idea (sorry for the tears brother).

I love my brother for so many reasons, but one of the things I appreciate about him most is a quality he has that doesn't come easily to me.  My brother is pretty much a black-and-white kind of guy.  He calls things as he sees them...sees things for what they are.  It's either this or it's that. It's yes or no...not maybe.  If it's maybe, it is not maybe for long. It's good or bad...no in between (usually).   And he doesn't suffer fools lightly.  Don't get me wrong, my brother is not a careless, heartless person. In fact, he is very empathetic and caring and has been known to "bend" on his rigidity upon occasion.  :-)  It's just that when it comes to certain things and certain situations, he uses what I call the "duck analogy":  If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck and acts like a duck, then it's a duck. 

Me on the other hand, I am always trying to hold out hope that the goodness in people will prevail. I get stuck in the grey areas far too often.  With me, oftentimes it's 'maybe' or a reluctant yes or no. It's not good or bad, it's a work in progress.  I spend a lot of time in my mind trying to figure things out and it often puts me on the treadmill of pain and confusion.

This difference between us has, at times, caused us both some frustration (probably me more than him), but it works because I accept and love him for who he is and he does the same with me.  We just approach situations differently.  Sometimes he realizes he should be less rigid and sometimes I realize I need to get out of the grey area.  Oftentimes I draw upon his rigidity to help me get through situations. Tonight was one of those nights.  At the very end of the conversation, before we hung up, he said, "You'll be ok."  "I love you."  

The topic of our conversation is not relevant.  In fact, after I hung-up the phone with him, all of the thoughts that had contributed to my sullen mood were replaced by thoughts of strong appreciation and love for my brother.  More importantly, they were also replaced with thoughts of my relationship with God. I was reminded that I do not have to try to figure things out in my head - it's unproductive and it will drive me crazy. All I have to do is trust that God is working things out for my highest good and know that no matter what, I will be ok!  Traci H.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.  -Proverbs 3:5

Day 17 The Little Things: 24 Hour Fitness

I should be in bed but I can't sleep.  I think I'll head to the club...the 24 hour fitness club that is.  This has become my favorite extracurricular activity of late. It is invigorating to be involved in an activity I enjoy, that allows me to forget my worries, be healthy, AND carve out a new body all at the same time.  It feels great!  Traci H. 

Happiness is far too valuable to be put off until later, or buried in the past.  Ralph Marston